Them or me, partie deuxieme

This isn’t really about trans issues, at least that isn’t my call on it. One of the other things that happens in life is finding out a friend isn’t much of a friend. To my thinking friends care about each other and therefore would care if they upset a friend, would want to know why and would likely want to find common ground again.

The story, a friend offended me doubly one night. A legitimate concern was dismissed, and when he talked over me and was taken to task he was hostile and hardly apologetic, in fact I was “bitching” which didn’t sit well with me.

I’ve had quite a lot in my life over the past month and this event with him wasn’t in my mind, but doing better now I pondered it a bit. I had already decided to effectively part ways with the group – they weren’t doing anything wrong, but the topics weren’t of my interest and anything I brought up was set aside. I’m not that dense to want to keep subjecting myself to such, especially driving forty minutes out of my way for the privilege.

Yet I wanted to give the gentleman some feedback in as non judgemental way as I could manage given it would be a criticism. Instead of writing the concern I wrote him saying I had a concern or two. I left it to him to decide if he wanted to hear it. In fact it’s strong to call telling him that he dominates the conversation and has no tolerance for opposing opinions judgmental, it’s just an accurate observation after thirty years of dealing with it. I have my own faults of course, it wasn’t to be a suggestion that I’m not flawed.

The response rather astonished me. I thought him not incredibly likely to ask for the critique, which I can live with. Saying no seemed likely, but what I didn’t expect was a prejudgment that I was going to provide judgment. I could live with that but the end of the very short response said for me to not bother responding.

The last left me angered as I read it as “I don’t care and go take a hike”, as I’ve known the guy for thirty years I thought he might extend slightly more grace than that, for example, he might have asked me why I felt the way I do.

One less “friend” but I don’t perceive much of a loss. I do still have some friends in that social group, I will hope that some relationship can be maintained, but c’est la vie.


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