To Live is to Learn is to Grow

I first came out in April 2012, which is now coming up on four years ago, it seems like a geological age has passed between.. The changes, which thankfully are over (at least in the large), have been many. I often said why me, but after reading the classic, “True Selves” realized that I was in the greater camp amongst trans people in needing to transition and that SRS was most likely in the minority because of cost, not desire.

Now I live day to day as female and my impressions of the world have little to do with having ever being male. Safety is ever so much more important now and more difficult to obtain. The option my male brain might have thought possible of fighting off an attacker  has been supplanted with the hope I can run fast enough and that maybe this week I should buy pepper spray

As mentioned elsewhere I started going out shopping in the Winter and Spring of 2013. Some months into that, it might have been Summer, I made the awful mistake of asking a sales girl more or less whether I was passable. The poor thing looked backed into a corner. To this day I don’t know what the issue was but I let her off the hook. I was mortified for both of us and it was a long time before I made the mistake again.

Now I think I may have done that for the last time. It long, long ago ceased to be a mistake from the viewpoint that they thought I was trans (and I’m lucky that’s true), rather it’s a mistake to ask because it’s irrelevant.

I’m fortunate and they generally say yes. Does that make me a better person? Does that make me a better woman? No. It doesn’t make me worse either. It just is. My life is easier for it and I’m not a great believer that lack of suffering should lead to disenfranchisement, it’s just what it is.

If they said no would the answers be different? Again they would not. My life would be harder and I might or might not be able to make things easier. I might cope and it might crush me.

The bottom line is that what really matters for you or for me is how we feel about ourselves. How we feel about ourselves really does come through, it makes a difference.

The lovely woman I came out to today asked many questions. She was warm and accepting and lovely. It wasn’t a bad mistake to make perhaps, one more person may tell her friends that at least some trans women are nice and friendly and normal folks.


One thought on “To Live is to Learn is to Grow

  1. Coming out is important (when you feel safe) because the more people that know someone who is …. (fill in the blank) the more accepting our community will be.


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