Are we women?

I’ve written before why we are, why people feel we aren’t, but are we? It isn’t an easy topic. It’s fraught with jagged rocks that will rend you from stem to stern. It might be at the crux of what we do by transitioning, but perhaps the other question is, is it?

These days if someone asks I would say I’m a trans woman and I would make no bones that I lack some important perspectives on womanhood. My personal view is that those are about growing up female, societal messages, the actual possibility of bearing a child (parenting I experienced), and the repressed ambitions that women fight for and which men take for granted.

Women live in a space a millimeter away and a world apart, and just because I live there now too doesn’t mean that my two whole years of experience gives me much perspective compared to my GFs who’ve lived their whole lives female.

In that sense I may feel female because I have what is pretty much a post menopausal female body, but I’m a brand new woman.

Yet as a trans woman I bring along other, possibly valuable perspectives, as long as I have the humility to admit that my experience is different and that outside of learning from other women, it will be a long time for me, personally, to fully share their perspective and some things may never be understood – honestly, isn’t that the case for any two people?

What do we deserve as part of transitioning? Some would say nobody owes us anything. It was our doing, so we should bear the consequences as they are. Since I don’t think we have meaningful free will about this I reject the argument.

I believe we should remain aware of how we’re newly formed women until we have a good deal of experience in our new zoo. I assure you our old zoo looks pretty funny from this side. In return our new companions do, I think, owe us some respect for having done something that is hard after what is often a lifetime of denial and suffering.

Our legitimate answer to “You didn’t …. like me” should be, you’re right, would you like to tell me about that so I understand better?

As in anything be what you are, strive to be your best, and don’t pretend to be what you are not.


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