Why you? Why me? Why any of us. It would be hard for me to believe at this point that any of us has not struggled with that question. Nor does it necessarily help to find reasons. If someone tested you tomorrow and said you had a smaller BSTc area like other TG people (postmortem mind you) by Zhou et al., would that bring comfort? What if you knew your mother took DES (another possible cause much discussed)? What if none of the known theories applied, would it be less true?
Why me is really there because we feel guilty, we don’t want to accept ourselves and we don’t want to hurt others. Why me.
Because things that we don’t properly understand made you so. Because if you don’t face the truth it will not get better. Because your suffering will not bring them joy. Because your joy may bring sadness, but where there is life there is hope and they will either learn to accept or move on.
We feel like Job, singled out for suffering, as if we alone bear a terrible burden. Sadly we often become blind to the burdens of others and lose perspective. When this happens we turn inward and enter a long cycle of self-pity that takes the place of constructive engagement.
We see our pain as something nobody else can understand, we who are surrounded by the disabled, by people who live with chronic conditions that are every bit as troublesome to their lives, people who suffer as much or more by being othered and discriminated against. There are few things imposed on us in life that cannot be made worse and sadly enough are for some people in this world.
I don’t expect you to take my advice, not at first, but remember it. Strive to turn away from self-pity and seek to help others. Engage in constructive activity to make your life better and accept that with growth comes both gains and losses.
I’m not preaching from a place of perfection. I struggle with this every single day. Slowly I’m becoming a better listener. Slowly I reach out more to console and comfort others. Slowly, very slowly, I see my circumstances in proportion to reality.
This condition is painful and is a burden, but while others may not understand being transgender, they surely understand pain and being burdened. Remember that.