Sexual Orientation

This is a complex subject and for trans people of either gender and either pre or post reassignment surgery coming up with a description is a pretty weird exercise in futility. A man who likes women is heterosexual but if that man transitions to be a trans woman she’s homosexual. Literally that’s true, at least when viewed by those who accept our gender, and sex if reassignment surgery has been done.

If that same heterosexual man becomes a trans woman and has interest in straight men she’s still heterosexual.

But psychologically this is pretty odd. I say that because mentally one’s self doesn’t change in transition. *You* are still the same *You* you were before transition. It feels from an internal viewpoint like one’s label for sexual orientation shouldn’t change just because one is presenting as female on Friday after presenting as male on Thursday. Yet that is literally what we’re asked to do.

For myself, I always self identified as heterosexual. Yet once my gender issues were out in the open this became much less clear. The many years of issues I had been having suddenly were cast in a different light and I starting seeing men and women with different eyes. For a very long time there was no interest in women at all.

Hormones and reassignment surgery can both result in sexual orientation shifts. I can’t speak to what is causing mine, just that it is causing me some degree of anxiety. Despite often approaching this in a lighthearted manner, I really am at a loss as to whether I’m straight, gay, bi or pan. bi or pan seem to feel the most accurate, but it is very, very murky.

As I move forward I also need to pay attention to factors that were never in play when I was young. A straight guy dating straight women has a pretty easy situation. Most women and men are straight, and those who are not are not likely to be offended by being approached, they’ll just say no thank you.

Seeking out a possible female partner is much more complex. Going to a regular mixer of some sort that isn’t aimed at the LGBT crowd is impossible since almost everyone is looking for an opposite sex partner. Then you get the added complexity that for some lesbians being a trans woman is not being a woman at all. Last, if you are honest and say you aren’t sure (questioning) or bi then there are lots of lesbians who only want to be with women who are committed to being with women.

Complicated doesn’t begin to cover it. Yet hiding at home doesn’t seem like a terribly good option. Once you’re done with transitioning and you find yourself separated or divorced, it’s time to move on.

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2 thoughts on “Sexual Orientation

  1. I have read that half of transgender people who are gay and lesbian before transitioning discover that they are still gay afterwards and are attracted to people of their new gender.

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  2. What an interesting post. Maybe the issue is around our wish to label things. I am still transitioning but I know I like women. I have always found men pretty obnoxious (so yes most of my friends have been women). So the gender to which I am attracted hasn’t changed, but you’re right I might now be labelled a lesbian (and so would my sweet wife) Not sure how she’d feel about that!

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