Or why God must have a wicked sense of humor
Most men think foreplay is too long, almost all women know it’s too short. This isn’t news really. You can find it in popular books and headlines. Did you know that trans women get to experience this shift first hand? Yes we do!
Men think certain spots are sensitive
Men tend to focus on certain relatively small spots when trying to get a woman aroused. The lips, the nipples, the neck and the genitalia or perhaps worse the clit.
Women know that almost their whole body is sensitive
Some areas, like the genitalia and even the nipples can be positively annoying to have touched if one is not already aroused.
Men don’t realize that most of a woman’s body is very sensitive. The skin of the entire breast is very sensitive, the belly, and even her back and arms and legs. Even more so she responds to the emotion behind the touch.
Men think foreplay is about getting to the sex
For far too many men foreplay is something they are burdened with in order to get access to their woman’s vagina. It is a gateway to intercourse. This is such a limited view of physical pleasure and how sex is defined, and reading this would be (or is) an immense source of amusement to my ex.
Women know foreplay is sex
Being touched, kissed, held are all very sensual experiences. Knowing your lover is there and feeling him or her gently touch you all over can bring amazing sensation. This is as much sex as having intercourse. Certainly there are few that would say oral sex isn’t sex, but it isn’t intercourse. Yet stroking, touching hair, shoulders, massage and all also be sensual and sexual.
Men are goal oriented
There’s a tendency for a man (at least I noticed such during my experience as one) to think toward goals. Men view foreplay as leading to intercourse and intercourse as leading to orgasm rather than as pleasurable acts in and of themselves. Is that an entirely fair view? Of course not, the reality is much more complex, but there’s an essential truth to it.
As a male friend of mine puts it, for men it’s all about shooting the pistol. It neatly sums up the point.
And women are not
If a man “has sex” and doesn’t orgasm it’s a big deal because having sex is about getting a release. Because of that it becomes the goal and makes the whole thing goal oriented. Maybe this is a good thing from a biological reproductive strategy viewpoint.
Women obviously like having an orgasm, but having intimacy is also important and the pleasure of contact is also significant. It’s not so driven.
And emotions count for her
A guy can be angry or have had a bad day and it doesn’t matter. He can be angry at his wife or girlfriend and still go to bed with her and have sex. No problem.
If she’s preoccupied about something in her life or pissed at the husband or boyfriend she can’t. It’s done.
It’s easy imagining his perfect world
It’s easy because there are thousands of porn movies to show you what it looks like. Insatiable women who are instantly aroused by the sight of a man who want to act out every act that most women find disturbing or distasteful. It depends of course, for any one thing a particular person might find it ok, but in porn it’s all a turn on for the stepford doll with the childlike genitalia.
Her perfect world?
You get hints in written erotica and romance writing, but the reality isn’t the same.
I know what I’d want. Someone who’s in the moment and who isn’t in a hurry. That’s it. Good luck to us all finding someone.