How to be a Girl for the Trans woman

A short list of things to do or not do. Complete? Not even close.

Talk like a girl

Pitch is less important than intonation, cadence and word choice. Some women have lowish voices, but women still speak like women. Female speech  varies more in pitch than male speech. Women are much more descriptive: “It’s a beautiful sunny day, the air is fresh and cool” versus “cool today, kinda bright”. Women speak more clearly and much more smoothly then men. Getting the pitch up is helpful too, but it won’t help without the rest.

Walk like a girl

Women don’t lean forward and don’t slump when they walk. In walking, as in many other things, women minimize the space they use. They make small movements of the arms when swinging them. Don’t mince steps, that happens because of heels (unless you’re wearing heels you poor thing). They generally don’t take huge steps either.

Sit like a girl

Women do not stretch out to take  maximum space, that’s how men sit. Women minimize their space. Their legs are together and if crossed are close to vertical. Hands are often folded in the lap. If you’re wearing a skirt be extra careful about the skirt riding up and who can see what with the angles. Shift if you have to. Legs down if it isn’t going to work. Remember to buy skirts that land below your knees so it isn’t a problem next time 🙂 And no matter what you think, if you’re wearing hosiery under a skirt that is knee length it has to be pantyhose or tights, it cannot be thigh high stockings. They don’t go high enough.

In fact, no matter what you think, don’t think about wearing the stuff that women don’t wear anymore unless you really know what you’re doing. That includes corsetry and garter belts and other things that have become either oddball or boudoir wear to get your partner’s engine racing. Go ahead and wear it in private though if it floats your boat or your partner’s boat.

Eat like a girl

Well, this is really just a piece of advice. Once you’ve started taking hormones you had better cut way back on food consumption. I’m fighting a losing battle, but it would be worse if I wasn’t at least trying. Portion sizes at restaurants are way too big for you as a woman (often for men too). Take some home or just toss it. Take small bites and don’t eat with your mouth open. You are not a buffoon.

Dress properly

Learn how women dress for different occasions and do so. Don’t use the excuse that some women are slobs to be one. Don’t go out in pajama pants, sweat pants or anything else not meant to be worn on the street. I’m personally ok with sneakers on my days off, but that’s me.

Good resources include all sorts of reruns of  What Not to Wear and other style advice shows. I have a few links in my references too.

Most of all, observe women your age and see what most of them are doing and emulate until you know what you’re doing.

Be presentable

Don’t leave the house with your hair in a rat’s nest, your breath smelling like yesterday’s garbage and your face dirty. If there’s any question whatsoever about your presentation use at least a minimum of makeup to fill the gap, it will help. Remember that the point of makeup is to make you look better, not to create a mask. Never wear dirty clothes out unless you’re working on something at home unless that’s appropriate for your job as an auto mechanic.

Don’t act like a guy

By and large avoid scratching your private parts in public, letting out loud and noisy gas releases and picking your teeth and your nose. That’s a good start. Most well behaved men don’t do these things either – I really shouldn’t have to say that.

Guys get louder when they’re being more emphatic. Women do not. Women change inflexion and tone. Make sure you do the right one.

Be careful about public conflict and how you challenge, in particular male, authority. You may find that if the issue is appropriate you have more success meeting privately so there’s no face saving for the man involved. It shouldn’t be on you but it happens.

Don’t make crude and sexual comments, oh, well behaved men don’t do this either. So I’m really saying act like you were properly raised to be a proper grown up.



5 thoughts on “How to be a Girl for the Trans woman

  1. The shoe part, well, I usually wear boots or tennis shoes. Unless I’m going out to impress. If it’s too store for groceries, ok going to be comfy. I do have some fashionable flops. Walking and eating are the biggest issues, primarily eating. I don’t hunch over enfem walking unless I’ve gotten really tired for the day. Eating I find is my biggest issue. Being taught to eat everything and not waste any, sometimes not knowing when you’ll eat next, and just being a previous guy with the scarf it down mentality. The test of what you mention I’ve gotten down. My wife says i even have to wear matching clothes to mow the yard. Lol great post


  2. Candice, really like your new avatar, and you’re looking very good. Despite writing the above with a sense of humor, and it not being an effort to do these thing now, there was a time when it had to be thought about, or a girlfriend had to mention or gesture that something was showing. We don’t have the experience of mothers, sisters, peers, female teachers and other assorted critics teaching us to act like a lady, so we get to learn it differently. But make no mistake, this isn’t innate behavior, irs learned behavior.

    Yeah, you might as well look ok mowing the lawn.


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