On being happy

I would have to say that this is really not a trans subject. This is a paean to the blessings of a good life, and the joy of choosing attainable goals.

I only describe my vision of a happy life. Yours may be different. Mine won’t look like this in ten years or maybe it will. Let’s start here:

In my happy life I don’t stress over things I can’t control. 

I can’t adequately express how important this is. How much stress this drops. How I stopped worrying about the whys of people’s behaviors once I realized I didn’t have the need or the right to judge them. Let them be them, worry and control you to be a better you.

Don’t carry a grudge

And by extension don’t waste your time being angry. A grudge weighs you down. Sometimes the object of the grudge doesn’t even deserve it. Make sure you ask the person what they think happened – you might be surprised.

By doing good, good will return to you

By giving affection, caring, love, and time to friend who needs you the world becomes a better place. You’ve added smiles and made twenty people’s days brighter as the person helped in turned spreads their wealth of joy to others. Imagine the world if everyone did something each week. Best of all? It’s free and you can’t help but feel good.

Your beauty is your joy

There is the pure aesthetic of a nineteen year old beautifully proportioned young woman. The ripped handsome young man with the perfect balance between musculature and just the hint of softness.

But true beauty that will last, is yet another thing entirely. That is still there in the eyes of your old grandmother’s glowing face as she sings to a sleepy child, or the loving face of her husband of fifty years as he leads her to bed, making sure she finds every step and doesn’t stumble. That is not a beauty only on the surface.

Be true

Most of us have an inner voice that we listen to too little, and sometimes too late. Instead we lash out at someone we love instead of being patient, or showing them our weakness, that we need help and caring. We don’t listen to the inner voice that tells us when we are doing wrong, when we should be talking and when we should be quiet.

Be true to the real person within you, not the image you think you should be. Perhaps you won’t be miss congeniality, but your friends will love a real person and you won’t have to be living a lie.

Run away from lies

We find unhappiness when we chase false dreams. Women are sold images of models whose bodies don’t even exist in real life. Men are told they can’t show emotion and die of heart attacks too damn soon. Wealth and power are the ultimate goal we are told, love, humility and learning are for suckers.

It all can be  yours for $10.99 plus shipping and handling. “Ten simple steps to wealth and happiness”

Nothing worthwhile comes easy

We look on those with success with envy. We think that a giant balloon with the label success landed on them and they stepped out with that fine looking suit or that designer made ball gown.

We don’t see the years of sweat, living on peanut butter, waiting for a break. Working bars and nightclubs for little money and a patron’s grabby hands. So maybe that wasn’t such an easy road really.

Expecting to be successful is asking to work hard. Success isn’t a result of doing one clever thing. It is the result of doing some clever things  but mostly one piece of work after another for a very long time. With persistence in the face of failure, and fatigue and messages that you aren’t going to succeed. Then one day you reach the  goal.

The best for last: Accept less than perfect

Probably the single best way to be unhappy is to ever expect perfection. Nothing and nobody ever will be perfect. It is always possible to find a whole in the bucket and a break in the wall. Be content if things are ok.

I have heard it said that Japanese carpenters would always finish their work my making a small imperfection to show their humility, that they did not strive to be as Gods to make perfect things.

From Candide the optimist:
Le meilleur des mondes possibles
The best of all possible worlds


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