The road to HRT (part 1)

At the beginning of this journey in April 2012 I came out to my rabbi and wife. After some initial therapy with a general therapist my doctor wanted me to see a psycho sexual therapist, i.e. someone who would be comfortable and competent at assessing me.

About six weeks after I came out, and probably a month after I started anti depressants and therapy, I had my first appointment with a therapist who does this kind of work. It was a good session, but I was concerned that she had only dealt with two other transgender patients. I wanted someone with more experience as well as someone who would call me on any self delusional BS I might want to believe rather than  reality.

I tried to see someone at Fenway health, which is well known for their treatment of the LGBT community. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately since travelling there would have killed about three hours a week) they had no openings except for their current health center patients. However, they did have a list of therapists in the greater Boston area that could help me.

I remember that when I first went to see C, I asked her whether we could put all the parts back in the box so I could return to being a “normal” person. I thought it unlikely but felt it was an important question to ask. Needless to say that wasn’t an option.

I started therapy with the notion that I was going to feel out what was going on. I had a near certainty that I would end up transitioning, but I also didn’t understand that there might be a more conservative place to end up. As C explained, it’s like a train with different stops, and there were a few to try out.

I started with just doing more art and music. I felt it let some of the female side of me out. I would say that it helped but probably as a coping with depression strategy more than anything else. So we started the train back up. The next stop was to try cross dressing.

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