Loneliness

This is the worst part by far, bereft of many family members and friends and even those closest to me. I’m accepted whe I go to events and certainly that feels good, and more fortunate by far than someone who deals with issues of passing, or worse yet passing were it is dangerous to be different.

Promises, empty promises are given, people who will call, will get you involved in their activity. Friends who longer call or answer calls.

Social activity on my weekends visiting local shops, playing a game with others online, maybe getting out on my own. I’m told that last is the secret and maybe it is, but it feels like an exclamation point over my head.

I’m told I’m kind, funny, empathetic and intelligent. What does it take these days to qualify for hanging out, going to a movie, sharing a meal or a cup of coffee.

This is of course a bit of a pity rant, but maybe not so undeserved. While I count my blessings, this has been a hard five year slog. As my prison gates truly open, it doesn’t feel like I want too much, a few warm loving people who are really in my life, and not just by happenstance.

I don’t guilt the dishonest, smiling to my face while having odd feelings insides. Maybe I judge some who still seem to silently judge me for what they perceive my actions to have been motivated by. Life really isn’t long enough for anger.

To my remaining friends, be ever so careful with name and gender. Not because you will cause me pain or offense but because you may cost me companionship from those who do not know. Don’t worry, if my some miracle that does happen, I will choose a time and place.

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