This was the calm before the storm, the last hurrah before things got exciting again. Up to the Spring when I hit the 1 year mark full time both P and I knew that I couldn’t go to have surgery anyway. The WPATH requirements are a minimum of 1 year living continuously in your new gender (or presenting as your real gender depending on your viewpoint) and one year on HRT.
Beginning of June the wheels hadn’t come off the bus just yet:
t’s official, we’re now married 28 years. It didn’t seem so likely two years ago that we’d still be together in another year, much less two. I’m unfortunately under the weather with a cold, so we can’t go down to Boston’s South End as we had planned . Bad timing – I don’t think I’ve had a cold in more than a year, a far cry from the first year she and I were together. I must have had something or other about a half dozen times – she really wondered what she’d gotten herself into
Once we passed that point things got nervous again.
My wife and I had a conversation last night that was relevant. All these big breaking points have now passed behind us (deciding to transition, starting HRT, transitioning and our Temple and at work), so now we have this long hiatus before anything else changes. She’s not happy with the prospect of GRS now, but sees how things have changed for her over the last year and realizes that predicting her own feelings for a year from now is simply futile. Dealing with holidays in November and December will probably be the next stressor. I do hope we can find peace with her mom – tolerance since I doubt acceptance will ever be on the table.
The truth is I didn’t post a lot of the important stuff in the forum. The single biggest event was in June when my spouse came with me to the therapist and she first learned I really had a serious thought about being with a man. I’m afraid that along the way I’ve given her a number of shocks; things I thought I said but hadn’t, or perhaps said, but not clearly enough.
We decided in June that we would separate. It wasn’t a rush, I took some time to find an apartment. I didn’t move out until September. This has been a big adjustment for both of us. Lots of wet pillowcases – you know? No turning back now. I am so proud of how she’s grown to take care of things and really be independent.
Over the Summer I went down to Philadelphia and talked to two surgeons about getting SRS. I went with Dr. Leis, who I can recommend without reservation. Not only were the results quite good but he is a genuinely warm and caring person.
I spent the last two weeks of the Summer in LA on business. Terrible, warm and sunny and beautiful weather every single day. My goodness. If it weren’t so terribly congested and expensive I might actually be tempted. However, when they asked if I could come out for another two weeks in two weeks I pointed out I was coming up on surgery and I signed up for a week a month, not two weeks on and two off. Ah well.
September came and with it my big move. Friends gathered round including my spouse and other lovely people and got me where I was going.
A long day of work yesterday as P and our friends R, B and D labored to move furniture and boxes. Started with coffee and bagels (and more bagels at lunch to refuel).
First a stop miles away to pick up many beautiful solid cherry items, an oriental rug, a 60″ tv and an oriental rug for an incredibly low amount of money and my sincere appreciation of the crafts work involved. I’ve done enough furniture making to know what a fantastic favor they made me. It was perhaps $12000 furniture between the cherry pieces, the leather pieces, the rug and the TV and they were sort of arguing I was paying them too much at $3600. Lovely people and what a lovely argument to have. “You’re too generous” no “you’re too generous” friends of friends moving to Las Vegas for retirement
We unloaded, moving them down to hallway to the storage apartment I have until Thursday (really moving Saturday) some 1/8 mile down the hall from the elevators. LONG hallway.
Then back to the house, many boxes, a desk that weighed so much it took all six of us lifting it (note to self, get lighter desk). Back to the apartment, unload everything tout suite outside so we could return the truck by the 5PM time I had set (silly optimist) and then R went home to rest and I went back to finish up with the remainder of the crew. We were moving mighty slowly near the end.
Finally at end of day, soda, beer, big veggie pizzas and quiet conversation. I sat in the quiet glow of feeling so loved. P presenting me with a birthday cake and getting to blow out five candles (hey, 58’s a fire hazard!) and listening to them all singing happy birthday. I feel so lucky and loved. Then everyone to home, P and I to sit around a call from my big sister who’s been watching the Jazz and Cait shows on TLC and finding them useful and finally a well deserved night’s sleep that only comes with exhaustion.
The rest of the year is better talked about without quotes.
September and October I was focused on surgery. There were things making me a little uncomfortable at work, but the surgery distracted me for fairly obvious reasons. Planning travel, hotel, letting my friend R know when I was coming back so he and my spouse could pick me up and bundle me back into my apartment with a wheelchair. Buying food for a couple of weeks when I got back. Lots of details.
The actual surgery (lots of details elsewhere on the blog) was a big deal. There was a fair amount of discomfort from the breast augmentation. I’m of the opinion that I mostly had only a modest amount from the SRS. The exception was transferring from the hospital to the Dr’s office and then to the hotel. Walking was not painful (interestingly) but being in the car with even very slight pressure was really bad. Bed was ok though.
A week or so post op I was able to get to the hotel lobby and pick up something to eat from their unhealthy choice collection. My sister had left me stocked with some things. Finally I went home and travelling home was no fun. You simply have no energy at all, you want to be in bed.
About a week after I was back I could go and do an errand for about an hour or two. I’d get back and collapse back into bed, but it allowed me to pick something like doing a small shopping and accomplish it.
By the time I went back to work at the beginning of January I was able to work a half day. It took another two months before I could work a full day, and it was six months before I started feeling normal.