More than five years past

There are things that just hit you like a bolt out of the blue. You realize that you’ve a half a decade lost in a miasma of shifting veils learning to be this new and different version of yourself. Was the person before not you and is this a truer you? Is it perhaps just that this new you lives with less stress and conflict and feels happier, hides less and enjoys her life more.

I passed that five year anniversary of coming out without looking up from my life. I rather ironically sent off for my new birth certificate right about then – perhaps the most fitting tribute to a trial of transition, my diploma as it were.

Here I am, less in conflict, more alone, changed in values in some ways but not in others. Still cloistered with long term medical conditions however resented that gather around me like some morbid old friend that can be held at bay but not banished. Since age is my constant companion, as it is for us all, I have another ailment and less energy too. Still, I rejoice in each day.

I cannot say I’ve gained profound wisdom from this struggle, nor from age. It is a pity because I had so hoped the guy with wisdom would give me some to share, but here are a few things I’d pass along that others might consider, and which I keep reminding myself to do more often, not always successfully.

  • listen more than you talk
  • don’t speak out of ignorance, you’ll look like a fool now, or later
  • kindness is never a mistake
  • Know that your pain is neither the worst or the least
  • show yourself compassion as well as to others
  • resist the temptation to idolize those above you or hold those below you in contempt
  • remember that you live in an interconnected world
  • know your limits and keep to them
  • honesty in important matters is better in the long run

 

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