About the only thing I’ve found consistent in my life is change mixed with unpredictability. I never thought I’d speak about my secret shame, then I surely wouldn’t transition, and then maybe not SRS despite wanting it before I knew about it.
Along that route I picked up an unwanted hitchhiker in Parkinson’s, yet it isn’t bad after these years of adjustment and surgery and if it isn’t in a rush, well neither am I.
I never thought to do more than be able to exist, and for the longest time had the uncomfortable feeling I’d end up on the edge of town with the other curiosities.
I’ve become more a woman than I had imagined and good fortune has kept me where I am, still connected to those I love, even if the bonds are tied with different knots and softer rope. I’ve kept more than I feared losing of family and friends, but I lost much more than I had hoped. Really just a handful of family.
I want to keep a life full of people. I’m only starting to see the edges of the view to come. Perhaps tomorrow the dawn will bring clarity, and define the edges of the window I peer out through, the one that leads to my soul. .
I am strong, much stronger than I ever was as a man. I may weap, but I do not give up. I push forward to make my future, and not to sit in the back seat hoping the driver takes the right turn. I am strong because I am not an island. While I’ve lost much, so have I gained.
I may struggle at times but I keep faith,
May each dawn brings you hope.