I’m in my late fifties, starting over. I am quickly forgetting that I had another life with a different name and a body that grows ever more different than the one I walk around in today. Would you give me a second glance? Realize I had ever been anything but a woman?
Writing is not my vocation, but it has become an avocation. My dad was fond of writing poems and would recite them at the drop of a hat. I’ll probably post a couple of his better ones at some point. A few years ago I tried my hand at songwriting (for the second time, I was awful at it in my twenties) and turned out a couple of tear jerkers. It was a small hop to poetry. Poems are now a real form of therapy for me, distilling my feelings in just a few words on a page. It is a remarkable process.
As an observer having lived as a man for the first fifty six years of my life and the last four as female, I have this remarkable opportunity to understand some of the confusions that occur between men and women. But I must confess that I’m no longer sure I understand men despite the long time I walked unobserved among them.
Still, this blog is as much about paying forward and advocacy as anything else. I’m keenly aware that I’m one in a long line of people who have had to come to grips with gender issues and that not only do I owe gratitude to those who helped me get here, but I owe those that come after to help them do the same.
With more perspective it’s become clearer how this have and haven’t changed for me, but also how this is such an individual journey. Whomever’s journey you read about, it will be a little different and if you are about to embark on it yourself, yours too will be unique.
This has been easily the hardest thing I have ever done. The most painful and the riskiest to connections and family and work. It has also been fulfilling and has allowed me to once again feel at peace, a feeling I thought was gone forever.